04/16/08

Another one down

31-03-08

So I've managed to survive yet another Dine Around Seattle promotion, where restaurateurs welcome all the cheapskates that can't normally afford their food into the dining room.  The servers don't much like it because they don't get tipped out as well as normal, the cooks don't like it because we've got an extra menu to prepare on top of what we normally do, and the chefs don't like it because they wind up losing money for a month in hopes of doing a little exposure marketing.  It's just not fun, and I think that's why I've been hearing rumors that it's gonna be going away after this year.

I'm slowly scrabbling out of the abyssal funk that's been plaguing me for nearly a month.  Nothing's changed, but my mood has been slowly improving nonetheless.  It's weird because both my mom and roastbeef have commented that they've been in ruts themselves.  Mayhaps 'twere the Ides of March and nigh else.  I suspect otherwise, though, and fear the relapse.

So I have to offer congratulations to my good man americankorean on his upcoming nuptials.  Obviously, I'm excited to get to use the word "nuptials" in my rant, but I'm super stoked that he found a sweet girl who'll put up with his poor bowling form and obsession with facial hair and South Park.  I'm kidding, of course.  I'm using levity here because I'm not going to be able to attend the ceremony down in Johannesburg in May. 

That sucks.  He's one of my all-time bestest friends, and I would like to be there when he ties the knot.  But I guess there are going to be wedding-esque events held in both China (for her family) and Seattle (for his family), so I'll have to wait until the circus comes to my town.  Or until a large enough sack of cash falls out of the sky that I can quit my job and never be buried behind someone else's schedule EVER AGAIN.

I'm just gonna wrap this up here, 'cuz I gots things to do before work today.  More to come in the weeks to come.

The quest for perfection

11-03-08

One month between updates.  I'm on a roll.

This particular update is brought to you by my impending nervous breakdown, accelerated by my impending financial breakdown.  I need to take time off to rest because I'm stressed out, but I can't take time off to rest because I'd get behind in my bills which would stress me out.  It's the penultimate vicious cycle.  That said, I think I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and take time off anyway, or my psyche might implode.  Why?  Lemme tell ya.

So lately, Chef Philip has been riding me pretty hard.  It's about the same as what Chef Shinji did to me a couple of years back, but I've got a bit more humility (or a thicker callous on my heart), so I'm taking it as well as I can.  But it's still hard to hear, "Trace, we need to get this food on plates" when you're working six sauté pans on the stove and four more in the oven.  I'm mentally juggling all of them, but I don't think there's a whole lot more that I can physically fire, either due to lack of sauté pans or a lack of places to put them.

So Chef pulls plates anyway and starts sending out food that's not ready (Aside: is it my fault that our stupid FOH manager let ALL of the rezzies get seated between 6:30 and 7:30?) while I'm flailing to make up the gaps in what he's trying to sell.  Then he walks away and leaves me to deal with the shitstorm that follows, including said FOH manager saying, "What was wrong with the kitchen tonight?"

I HATE that stuff.  In my head, I'm hearing, "You're not good enough to serve all the guests at the same time, so we're going to hang you out to dry to prove a point."  Whether this is true or not makes no difference to my perception.  Opinions and perceptions are very rarely based in fact.  I get sullen and skittish, like a stray dog that's been beaten by its masters once too many.

Ask any of my coworkers/friends; they'll tell you that last week I was bordering on complete collapse, and if I'm honest, I have NO idea what kept me from doing so.  I remember holing up in my room for four days after my stint at Sakura (also under a classically-trained, old-school chef) because I felt as if my soul had been wounded deeply.  That sounds trite and cliché, but that's about the best way I can describe it.  I felt like if I did one more thing wrong, I'd wind up ceasing to exist.  It was a seriously crazy feeling.

But things appear to be better this week.  There's no reason for them to be better, but my outlook isn't nearly as dire as it was last Tuesday.  The only explanations are that A) I've come to accept criticism (unjust or otherwise) much better than I used to, B) I don't care about what I do as much as I used to, or C) I've completely flipped out, and this is the precursor to me laughing and crying simultaneously while smearing feces all over my body.  Only time will tell.

On a somewhat related note, my stepbrother, the undisputed Mayor of LegoLand (I kid you not), offered a chance to hang at his pad in NYC for a few months so I could taste the action of a Manhattan kitchen.  I asked Chef Philip what his opinion of working in New York was like, and he said, "Imagine it's like the busiest night you've ever had here, but all the time and every day.  From the moment you walk in the door until the moment you leave 10 or so hours later."

Do I have the work ethic to do such a thing?  Yeah, probably.  Do I have the skills to do such a thing?  As long as I'm not working lead, sure.  Do I have the mental toughness to deal with Nell's but with three times the volume every day and with bitchier chefs?  Not a chance.  I would crack like a freakin' egg.  That's just not cricket.

So I'm at a crossroads right now.  I'm seriously burned out on Seattle, but I don't think I'm prepared to work in a more "foody" sort of town (much as I might want to).  Additionally, the food I'm serving at Nell's IS NOT the food I want to serve at my eventual restaurant, but the techniques and ingredients I'm learning about are things that I could incorporate into what I'd eventually do.  The majority of the FOH staff are folks I could totally live without, but my linemates are salt-of-the-earth.

I'm beginning to worry that I'm searching for absolute perfection in both my job and my life while not really demanding perfection of myself.  That's an extremely perilous road to traverse, and I imagine that it'll more likely lead to bitterness and anger than happiness and success.  To put it bluntly, I don't want to end up like my dad, who left a lot of good opportunities because they weren't exactly what he was expecting.  On the other hand, I don't want to stay at places that contradict what I believe in (fairness, meritocracy, personal responsibility).

I'm pretty sure that happy medium is called "middle-of-the road mediocrity," but that's nothing I'm striving for either.  Where do I fit in?  Is there a tier of excellence that doesn't include fame and/or expectations of perfection while expecting more than just showing up?  I've gotta find that place.

Later than expected

11-02-08

So when I woke up this morning around 9:30, I was like, "I should make some coffee, scramble up some eggs and update my website!"

Instead, I lolled in bed until 10:30, got up, surfed the Internet, made a new boning knife out of an old slicing knife, watched some anime, took a nap, ate some cold pizza, sharpened my knives for work, drank some beer, watched some more anime, watched a bunch of AMVs and PVs and *then* came in here to update my website.  I'm only about 14 hours late!

But truth be told, I don't have a whole lot to chat about or update, so it's really to no one's detriment that we're starting at midnight.

The last video I watched was from X Japan's "The Last Live," for their song "X."  Absolutely incredible.  Pyrotechnics everywhere, tens of thousands of screaming fans jumping in unison while making an x pattern with their arms and a band at the tail end of their career and the top of their game.  To be in attendance at that show is probably among the greatest memories of all those who went.

And while most of you know the "Saw" horror film franchise, I'm sure most of you don't know that X Japan is doing the ending theme for the latest installment.  This ends a 10-plus year hiatus for these dudes, due in no part to the tragic suicide of lead guitarist Hide.  I watched part of an interview with Yoshiki, the drummer and main songwriter, and he basically said that the specter of X Japan is still hanging over him.  There are too many requests from fans and industry for them not to get back together.

(Incidentally, in the PV for "I.V.", their contribution to the new "Saw" film, they prop up Hide's guitar in front of an empty mic as a tribute.  It was chilling, sad and classy all at the same time.  It's just a really nice touch.)

Now both X Japan and Loudness were the mainstream metal purveyors back in the '80s, though Loudness predated X Japan by a few years.  Loudness is in the process of putting out a new album and have just released their first PV for the song "Metal Mad."  Yikes.  It's not as unintentionally funny as "Rock 'n Roll Crazy Night," but it's really not very good.

Most folks in the hard rock arena recognize Loudness as being a lot better than X Japan, due in no small part to their lead guitarist Akira.  The dude shreds, no question, and if you compare the bodies of work, Loudness is the more prolific band (though it wouldn't surprise me if X Japan released more records with their limited number of songs).  But if you're stacking quality head-to-head, I can't see how there's a debate.  X Japan just rocks harder and their catalog is a hundred times more diverse than Loudness's.  If there are points to be taken away, it's because X Japan started out as a "visual kei" band with tons of makeup and hair teased to the heavens. 

But the gimmick gave way and they just started rocking, much to the delight of all.  And if you just compare "I.V." to "Metal Mad," you'll notice that Yoshiki has kept up with current music trends, while Akira has written another '80s rocker.  In case you haven't noticed, we're no longer in the '80s.  Nostalgia might be all the rage right now, but at least make yourself sound and look current.  Moving on...

So Valentine's Day is on Thursday (we've got over 110 on the books), Chef Philip is on vacation next week, and there are only two more weeks before "Dine Around Seattle" (known in the industry as 30/30) starts up again.  That means that I'm gonna be crazy busy for a while, but I'll try and break away to do an update here and there.  There'll be lots of new food to check out on my end, and I'm sure I'll be able to repurpose something from our 30/30 menu for general purpose.  Stay tuned!

Drawing a blank

28-01-08

No immediate headlines entered my noggin tonight.  That's kind of weird, especially because I only crack this open when I feel like writing some.  Whatev.

The new job continues to progress towards (I hope) a sous position, with little to stand in my way.  I've already shown Chef Phil that I know how to do the management part of restaurants, and I'm continuing to level up my cooking end of the deal.  Just last week, we wound up doing 23 or so covers with just the two of us (which is a lot for a two-man line at Nell's), and he didn't correct me once on any of my plates.  Not on the temp of the meat, not on the consistency of the sauce, not on the doneness of the veg, nothin'!  That was pretty much enough to make me want to do a victory lap, but there was none of that to be had...he can still be a bit of a downer to work with.

But at least I didn't get in trouble!  This is progress.

(Quick segue, as I just came back from the grocery store.  It's seriously 12:30 at night, and there was some 60something dude there shopping with his wife with his Bluetooth headset on.  What kind of crazy dealings is he expecting at 12:30 on Monday night whilst in his pajamas that he needs to put his headset on?  Jeezus.)

So americankorean is up visiting from South Africa (yes, that's right; not South Korea), and I've been walking him through the paces of how to make ice creams and sorbets.  As such, one of my successes shows up over there on the right sidebar, in spite of its slight imperfection.  The texture is smooth and creamy, just like I like it, but it managed to set a bit harder than I wanted it to.  I figure the two ways out of that are either add an egg white or two, or perhaps some extra milk.  I'm not sure which is the correct answer, so I'm leaving things as is for now.  I'll chat with Sharesa (our faboo pantry/pastry cook) and Chef Phil to see what their possible solutions are.

Cooking lessons aside, it's been a real treat to see americankorean again.  I think it's been just over six months since I've seen the guy, and a lot has happened between the two of us.  In spite of that, we still talk like we're still living together, and we have engaging, intelligent conversations that are spiced with funny anecdotes, witty platitudes and a whole lot of facts.  I don't think I've talked this much since he's left, and I really, really miss being able to bounce ideas off him.  Every now and then, you run into someone who you know will be involved with you for the rest of your life, and he's certainly one of those people.  I'm glad I know him, and it's a pleasure to see him.

Kagemi is similarly enjoying his company, as he's putting her through some severe exercise (read: chasing stuff).  The other night she went from the laser pointer to her mouse-on-a-stick, and she ran so much that she started panting.  By the end of it all, my poor kitty felt like a wet rag from sweat (I don't think I've ever felt such a thing), and she slept like a brick through the night.  By the next morning, she was ready for more.  Amazing resiliency.

So I'm working on my Top52k7 Edition, and there's a lot of music to sift through.  After my experiment in 2006 where I kept track of all the albums I listened to, I've managed to exponentially increase the amount of music that I actually remember I listened to.  It's nice because there's not going to be some buried gem like Misery Signals, but that also means I've got to slog through mediocre stuff like Black Majesty (who are good, but just not good enough to make the list).  I think this year might be dominated by Japanese artists, but I've got a few more albums to listen to before I make a final decision.

And I suppose that's that.  With any luck, my little sis is going to come visit tomorrow (she's doing some more financial aid stuff at the Art Institute and will be in the area), so I guess I should get some sleep.  I'll still require coffee, but at least I won't be a zombie.  Fun!

[Edit 02/02/08:  I've finally had enough.  I've removed my comments form because it usually generates only one legitimate comment for every 200 or so spams.  So if you want to contact me, just email me instead: trace at grantgoodmorrow dot com.]

Tsuzukimashou!

02-01-08

For the 99% of my readers who don't know Japanese, the headline means, "Let's continue!"  It seems appropriate for the new year, yeah?

I'm sure I'm not alone in calling 2007 extremely challenging and borderline shitty.  I went through a lot of hardship and heartache last year, from getting thrown into a position I really wasn't ready to take on, to having to fire two really good friends of mine, to eventually having my kitchen and title ripped from me and then basically having to start over as an untrained lead at a new restaurant four days before its busiest season of the year.  It's been a struggle, as I'm sure most mid-life years are.

But we get through it. 

(Or, I suppose, we don't, which means we "check out" early, as my mom once said.)

I'm planning on getting through it, just so long as my body holds up.  If the few weeks I've spent at Nell's have told me anything, it's that my knees aren't nearly as strong as they once were.  The line there is just wide enough for everything to be about a half-step away from everything else, which means I spend most of my shift pivoting on my knees instead of taking steps toward something.  As a result, my knees are absolutely KILLING me (much in the same way my shoulders were killing me at Mulleady's for having to reach for everything) to the point that I'm icing them down regularly, starting a two-ibuprofen-a-day habit and wrapping them whenever things get totally out of control.  It's not a good thing, but I think I can get used to it.

Things are going well at Nell's (so I would assume, as no one there is really willing to give up the covert info), and even though it frustrates me sometimes, I'm gonna stick with it for a good while.  There's simply too much to learn from Chef Philip and the other cats there to NOT stick around.  I'm sure I've mentioned it in a previous installment, but even though this isn't the food that I'm gonna be serving at the restaurant I'll eventually own, these are the techniques that I REALLY need to know in order to be able to successfully run my own kitchen.

Proper stocks and reductions, fine knife skills, meat and fish butchery, basic (and not so basic) dessert preparations, clean presentations, ingredient seasonality and varied purveyors:  this is the stuff I'm learning from Nell's.  Fsck yeah.

Having come from a background in which fine food was either not available (my mom's side) or completely overcooked (my dad's side), it's neat to see how "the upper crust" are doing things.  The flip side of that coin is that those people have absolutely no use for the folks that cook and serve them the fine food and disregard their existence as much as possible.  Case in point would be the six-top that stayed at Nell's until about 1:20am on New Year's because one dude was taking his time with his food.  No one else seemed to mind that the normal closing time was 10pm and that they were nearly three and a half hours PAST that on a holiday.  I guess if you have enough money, anyone will shut up, yeah?

Knee-jerk faves from 2007: No Reservations (of course), Heroes (of course, pt. 2), the discovery of Corvus Corax (heavy folk music!), seeing "Chef Trace Wilson" on my coat, the realization that Natalie Imbruglia makes the music I love to listen to, 12012, li'l Lucas Saunders, veal reduction, Woodford Reserve, grilled pork loin with "spruce cous" and gin/orange juice sauce (my fave dish I made last year), School Days, Mononoke, my new kitty Kagemi, finding three Mac knives for about four bucks at Goodwill, being able to pull my hair back into a legitimate ponytail, finding old friends on MySpace, Ziltoid the Omniscient, Lucky Star/Lucky Channel, Ghost Hunters.

The not-so-great moments: Firing two really good friends for "business reasons," watching my grip on the kitchen at Mulleady's dissolve, reading the words "you're no longer the chef of Mulleady's," dealing with my brother as he went through a bout of homelessness, ballooning up to 225 before coming down slightly, Geneon's retreat from the North American anime market, the sleepless nights wondering if I'll be able to make rent on $12.50 an hour, the death of my kitty Hobbes, having americankorean move out, not posting more than ten entries here.

But it's a new year, yeah?  Time for stuff to change and all that.  Let's see what happens!