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04/16/08 |
     
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Grant Goodmorrow's gawdawful kitchen jokesAt Ciao Italia, Chef Stephan and I tended to have a lot of time on our hands. It was pretty slow when I was there, so we needed some form of amusement to keep passing the hours away. You know, stuff like creating a fictional race of indigenous Italian people (the Parmesians, ruled by the benevolent King Reggiano I) and their enemies (like the Parmazons from South America or Ched Dar the Barbarian from the Nordic lands).However, when creating mythology isn't enough, Chef Stephan and I resorted to really bad jokes. As Ciao Legend would have it, these jokes may do us more harm than good, as we could be driving away Hobb, the Helpful Kitchen Goblin. As I mentioned, we had a lot of time on our hands. Later in my culinary career, I had the pleasure of working with one of the funniest human beings I've ever met, Bradley Thomas. His over-the-top wit can be found on this page.Some of these jokes might go over your head, but that's because you're not a cook. Don't feel bad about it, just pray for our pathetic lives. Oh, and if you have one you'd like to add or would like me to explain what the hell is going on here, feel free to drop me an email. If you're submitting, cheez is heartily encouraged, as you shall see...
What does butter say when it's cold? Beurre. What kind of fish is spicy? Ancho-vies. What's the sweetest dinosaur? The tiramisaur. What do cannibals put on their pizza? Peopleroni. And what is peopleroni made from? Franks. What do you call the study of baked pasta? Fornography. What do you call baked pasta that's on fire? An in-forno. What do you call sex in an Italian oven? Fornocation. What do you call really good lamb shanks? Awesome bucco. Lamb shanks in the 25th Century? Osso Buck Rogers. Lamb shanks smothered in white sauce? Osso bukkake. Lamb shanks bought at a warehouse store? Costco bucco. What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley. Did you know deep-fried seafood and potatoes were originally invented by the ancient Egyptians? That's why it used to be called Fish and Cheops. Did you hear about that cheese that got robbed in Mexico? It was Monterrey Jacked! How do yellowfin tuna greet each other? With a "Hi." Fscked up Italian cake? Tira-mistake Cow's favourite dessert? Tira-moo-su. What do you call comedy in a Vietnamese noodle shop? Pho-nies. How do you feel after overeating at a Vietnamese noodle shop? Pho-cked. What do you instigate against the world's most vicious herb? The War on Tarragon. Where does blue cheese plot for world domination? At the Roquefort! What is the meanest soup? Vicious-sois. How many servers does it take to change a light bulb? Three: Two to bitch about their tips and one to find a cook to do it. How many cooks does it take to change a light bulb? "86 light bulbs!"
This site was last updated 12/20/06 |
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